little boy lost

april 3rd 1986 he came into this world.  what a good baby boy.  right on schedule; daily.  learning so fast that the years flew by.

april 1996 he was taken from my world.  my world of loneliness; lost unbeknownst to either of us.  i think its safe to say we both fought hard being pulled in different directions.  the deceit to pull him into one of a living lie.  i've missed him ever since.  maybe one day he will realize i was true to myself so that i could remain who he might remember if that day ever comes.

a beautiful blond swept him into manhood and they were so beautiful together.  i hardly knew her; but, knowing him i knew her beauty had to be more than skin deep.  in grief they lost their first little girls, twins.  i'll never forget the phone call "mama i need you.  i'm losing them."  and they were gone before i could hold them.  a second chance brought them another.  so beautiful like her mother.  and i can only guess by now she would have that look he has about him. at least i've held her once.  so frightened i was as the others watched.

i know no particular dates when things began to change for them.  the bloom was off the rose.  i hate that one can believe the grass is always greener.  without her knowing i will always understand her as she grows; all the unanswered questions.  why?  i can only hope they are honest.

my mind has tamed the heart broken years; wondering what the ones before us will bring.  it seems everyone is always looking for someone.  how long it will be before mistakes are realized.  counting the marriages like counting between the thunder.  love rages the soul.

he is his father's son.  i wonder who is the proudest...