Thursday, February 10, 2011
what i remember
i don't remember much about my childhood. maybe its a blessing. i don't remember birthday parties. but i know i had one. my first. i have a small black and white of me sitting on a table in a pretty little dress in front of a birthday cake. its a sweet picture. i remember one christmas at my mother's house. my brother and i are sitting in front of the christmas tree. my mother fussed at me for making a silly face while she was trying to capture our picture in our christmas pjs. i suppose thats why i always have christmas pjs to open on christmas eve. i won't let go of that tradition. i remember kindergarden. the lady that ran it was named mrs weems. i can remember being there. like flashes. we were all sitting at tables. we must have been coloring pictures. my stomach hurt so i stood up. i just stood there. and the inevitable happened. the humiliation i felt from my mother was much worse than the embarrassment i felt in front of the other children. i remember being walked up the steps into the attached home. her housekeeper, i suppose, had me undressed, cleaned up and in clean clothes that did not belong to me. i remember the car ride home and the paper sack that carried the offending clothes. another flash. my mother has taken me to kindergarden. it was nap time. i remember being told if i was quiet i could go outside and play. i must have had a doctors appt. i remember standing at the fence. the courtyard was actually surrounded by a wall with a fence atop the stone wall. i was holding onto the fence crying. i wanted her to come back. i wasn't quiet.