what i remember

i don't remember much about my childhood.  maybe its a blessing.  i don't remember birthday parties.  but i know i had one.  my first.  i have a small black and white of me sitting on a table in a pretty little dress in front of a birthday cake.  its a sweet picture.  i remember one christmas at my mother's house.  my brother and i are sitting in front of the christmas tree.  my mother fussed at me for making a silly face while she was trying to capture our picture in our christmas pjs.  i suppose thats why i always have christmas pjs to open on christmas eve.  i won't let go of that tradition.  i remember kindergarden.  the lady that ran it was named mrs weems.  i can remember being there.  like flashes.  we were all sitting at tables.  we must have been coloring pictures.  my stomach hurt so i stood up.  i just stood there.  and the inevitable happened.  the humiliation i felt from my mother was much worse than the embarrassment i felt in front of the other children.  i remember being walked up the steps into the attached home.  her housekeeper, i suppose, had me undressed, cleaned up and in clean clothes that did not belong to me.  i remember the car ride home and the paper sack that carried the offending clothes.  another flash.  my mother has taken me to kindergarden.  it was nap time.  i remember being told if i was quiet i could go outside and play.  i must have had a doctors appt.  i remember standing at the fence.  the courtyard was actually surrounded by a wall with a fence atop the stone wall.  i was holding onto the fence crying.  i wanted her to come back.  i wasn't quiet.